Oscars 2013: A Wrap!

Top 10 Oscars Tweets I Would Have Twittered if I Had a Twooter

Channing Tatum...With that soft shoe I am beginning to see what the others do.
Joseph Gordon Levitt, you are even COOLER singing and dancing.
Christoph Waltz is just SO COOL.
Halle Berry: Bringin' shoulder pads back.
DAME Shirley Bassey???  More like DAMN SHIRLEY BASSEY!  UH-MAZING.
I want to see ARGO AGAIN!!!
Oh, Russell Crowe...you once again proved my point.
Oh, Babs...you gold chain gypsy clad Babs...Oscar's SO LUCKY to have you back.
ANG!!!  UIUC REPRESENT!!!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ONLY EXTENDED THE RECORDING TEN MINUTES!?!?!?!

P.S.  This is one of the MOST GLORIOUS photos EVER.

Indoctrination...at its Best???

I am trying really hard over here to nurture and develop this country's fourth generation of Brady Bunch lovers.  (Or, is it third?  I forget the definitive amount of years between generations, so to make this sound more impressive lets just say I'm working on the fourth.)  Let me tell you, folks, it ain't all that easy with all these cute lil Ponies and bright, shiny Pixars all over the place.  I'm thinking, however, that if I get to 'em early enough, it might just stick.

My fondest memories of after school between the ages of 10 and 13 were watching The Brady Bunch.  I usually did this at my aunt's house.  I would be picked up from school by my grandmother and head over to my aunt's house to coo over my little twin cousins.  It just happens that this is when I was introduced to the best mixed family ever created in the history of the world. Sherwood Schwarz, you did such fine work...even if Robert Reed cursed you til the day he passed. 

Seriously, how can my kids go wrong with the Brady Bunch?  Wonderful sibling camaraderie, a problem WITH  a solution in 25 minutes, two of the most loving parents in TVdom, and definitely the most loving maid shows that it really does take a village.  There's even singing, dancing, and potato sack races!  NOTHING says family bonding like potato sack races...on astroturf.

I've caught Alba trying to sing along a couple of times to the theme song.  Oh, be patient, dear one.  One day it will click, you'll have all the words, and then you can teach your friends the song...just like I did.  Thank you, Auntie Shrew, for the introduction.  Thank you, Hallmark Channel, for the two hour block everyday.  And, advanced thanks to Alba and Kean, for hopefully keeping the Bunch alive.

30 Rock Adios

I spent this season ignoring 30 Rock, cause if I ignored it, it wouldn't go away.  I was in a fit of denial.  I didn't start watching episodes until a few weeks ago, and I viewed those On Demand Style.

I finally manned up and watched the finale this a week ago tonight, three weeks after it originally aired.  It might have been the best sitcom finale in the history of the world.

It wasn't sappy and sentimental, but it did play to the fans.  The fans that have kept it alive, kicking and screaming though NBC was, for the past seven years.  It was so glorious to see Lutz fight for his Blimpies.  The one liners were divine.  Lemon and Jack sharing just one, brief moment of true platonic love was the icing on the case. 

How I'll miss it.  Tina Fey is a true inspiration, and I'll miss her face every week when I need it.

And, while I could leave you with a sweet picture of Fey, I choose instead to leave you with Herr Lutz himself. BLIMPIES.

It's a MIRACLE!

Justin Timberlake, eat your heart out.  While you're messing around with suits & ties, your best Bass buddy, Lance, is eating SANDWICHES!   Sandwiches laced with everyone's favorite condiment, MIRACLE WHIP. 

Yup.  I bet Timberlake's REALLY upset he missed the boat on this one.  First, Lance beats him to space, and now he's beaten him to America's best mayo-like sammy accompaniment endorsement.   You snooze, you lose, JT. 

If you can't find the amazing ad in your favorite magazine(...cause I know you REALLY want to hang up in your locker...), then you can BUY IT on eBay for $4.99.  Ain't no lie, folks.  Check it out HERE.

Such a Tool

I always said I wouldn't be THAT Mom.

The babes and I spent our President's Day eating pancakes at the Original Pancake house and doing morning shopping at Meijer and Sam's Club.  My daughter has some crazy eyes, cause she can spot things from two miles away.  OK, OK...maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but the girl's crazy good.  At Target she has spotted Tangled underwear and My Little Pony underwear through racks and racks of clothes and from the opposite end of the Kids' Section.  At Kohl's she spotted Merida/Brave undies from an extreme amount away.  Today, she did it again.  The thing is, I'm always so impressed, I fold and buy her the goods.  Today it was a Clearance Dora shirt at Meijer. 

She also finagled some Spiderman Cheez-Its from me.  "Well, Mama, they don't have the Letter Cheez-Its; those are only at Schnucks.  I guess we'll just have to go to Schnucks then."  After three stops, this wasn't happening.  I think she knew that, too. 

She's just too, too good.

So, in the last week: Alba-THREE, Mama-ZERO.  She's got My Little Pony undies, a Dora shirt, and Spiderman Cheez-Its.  I'm down $20. 

I am THAT Mom. 

OSCARS COUNTDOWN!

The Oscars are only ONE WEEK AWAY!!!  Huzzah!  Tonight, I'm gonna be super bold and lay a few predictions down on the line.  Never done this publicly before.  Don't know why I feel moved tonight...I'm just setting myself up for public mockery.

SONG:
Has to be Adele's "Skyfall."  No Bond song's ever won an Oscar (which my husband reminds me of almost daily), but I think this one will do the trick.  (I mean, hey, a Kiwi writing about Mans and Muppets won last year.)  Besides the name ADELE next to the song, it's just devilishly good...and the opening sequence should win something gold, too, but oh, well.

SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
No contest--Anne Hathaway.  Haven't seen the movie adaptation, WON'T see the movie adaptation, but apparently Hathaway is making grown men who weigh 300 pounds and are covered with tattoos cry, so she's a shoe-in.

SUPPORTING ACTOR:
Ready to Walz again?  Cause I think the Academy is.  DeNiro, Tommy Lee, and Arkin aren't gonna win again, but I think Herr Christoph has found the man to make him shiny sparkle.  I am pretty sure he sends Tarantino THANK YOU texts EVERYDAY.

ACTRESS:
How can it NOT be Jessica Chastain?  She does more in contemplative silence than I do in an entire week.  DONE.  

ACTOR:
How can it NOT be Daniel Day Lewis???  DONER.

DIRECTOR:
Spielberg.  Spielberg signing on to direct an adaptation of Honest Abe's life was like Streep deciding to do a biopic of Thatch--ace in the hole.  DONEST.

(Oh, sorry...that's a picture of the man who SHOULD win Best Director.  My bad.)

MOVIE: 
The Academy will realize how utterly blind and stupid they've been for denying Affleck a Director nod.  My bet is the big whammy's gonna go to MY pick of the year...ARGO.  Django has too many N-words; Lincoln's too...just too TOO; and, Les  Mis?  NO.  WAY.  Like I said: They've realized they screwed up.  All go for Argo.

OK.  There it is...for now.  Just don't mock me too hard next week when I'm wrong. 

Suits & Ties

It's official. Suits & Ties are back, folks.  (If they were every actually out is not up for discussion, because it ruins the theme of this post.)

Thanks to NKOTB's Package Tour and Timberlake's new single, they look BETTER than EVER.

I love that the boys of my childhood are men, producing sweet swaggy music, and are fighting with the best of the new babies to keep their old fans dancin' and swoonin'.

Guess what, JT?  You're not a spring chicken anymore, either.  Your new single isn't at the tip top of my list yet, but I appreciate that you want to evolve, experiment, and it's about time you got us some new tunage.

It's gonna be a great spring, with new albums from two of my favorite poppy performing artists (yes, NKOTB counts as ONE entity, therefore the two stands as legit), and it's gonna be an even better summer, when I get to see NKOTB with my dearest cousin, who went through New Kids mania with me during our youth.

YAY MUSIC!!!  YAY MEMORIES!!!  YAY SUITS & TIES!!! 

Oh, V Day...

You know what I miss?  Valentine's Day mailboxes...and Valentine's Day parties...and cheap little Valentines. 

As a kid, I think this was TRULY the highlight of my school year...even more than Christmas.  We spent at least two days perfecting our Valentine's Day mailboxes.  Oh, it was GLORIOUS.  I would also spend A LOT of time picking out Valentines for my crushes, because it couldn't be obvious I liked them, but then again I didn't want them to have the lamest one from the box.

I mean, would I want Mr. Hot Shot 4th Grader to get Coulier???  I don't think so.  It was very precise and exact, the picking was.

As I was driving to work today I thought..."HEY!  Wait a minute!  You've been a dedicated, diligent teacher for TEN years.  Why haven't you ever let loose and had the kids make Valentines for each other!?!...and make MAILBOXES!?!"  Sure, I might be a MIDDLE SCHOOL teacher, but we  need to let loose, too!  School has become WAY too serious lately: standardized testing, benchmarking, progress monitoring.  School is also for SOCIAL education.  If I still have a job next year, I'm LETTING LOOSE.  Look out, admin: we gonna be making some sweet Valentime Boxes AND exchanging notes of innocent luv, too. 

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!

Your Acceptance: Denied (By Me)

This is the cover of the most recent Lands' End PLUS Size catalog:

Wow.  So, that's PLUS Size...huh?  Well, I guess I should just quit. 

I mean...REALLY?  That woman is plus size?  I'm getting older...a little bit wiser...and a lot bit short on patience. 

America, Society, "Fashion" People...Please stop trying to label me.  I'm a woman.  I've had more than my share of body image issues thanks to this weight obsessed nation I've grown up in.  I have spent almost my ENTIRE life worrying about and stressing over my weight/size and how others view me. I even remember sitting in my bathroom AT THE AGE OF SEVEN thinking my thighs were way too big and that I'd never have a boyfriend.  SEVEN, people.

Guess what?  Guess what has finally happened toward the end of my Magic year and in the full bloom of my pimpin' Pippen year...I ACCEPT MYSELF.  I LOVE MYSELF.  God has created a BEAUTIFUL me.  Oh, yes, I have a tummy hanging over my belt.  Oh, yes, I still have large and in charge thighs.  But I REFUSE to wait on YOUR acceptance, AmericaSocietyFashion, any longer.  I will play with my kids, I will talk with, write with, read to, and have fun with my students, I will snuggle with my husband who loves me for who I am, and I will revel in a God who loves me always, but I refuse to waste any more time on being perfect.  Cause, if that gal on that cover is PLUS I don't have a chance...and I'm okay with that.