11 Days to Make a Difference

I would love to be your child's Professor Keating and enlighten them in the ways of poetry and Shakespeare's true verse.

I would love to be your child's Jaime Escalante and make numbers come alive and make sense.

I would love to be your child's Mr. Holland and inspire them to make music through all of life's ups and downs.

I would REALLY love to be your child's Miss Honey--always patient, kind, loving, and soft spoken yet stern.
I would love to be your child's Dewey Finn who always rolls with the punches, lets things roll off her back, and then teaches her kids how to really rock n roll.

But I'm not.  I feel like I fail everyday.

During this week of teacher appreciation, I didn't appreciate myself at all.  I found myself becoming constantly uptight and agitated with higher level educational edicts, school policies, and the lack of respect I endure from students daily.  Students who I genuinely care about and want to help, but I cannot figure out how.

Where my last post was all about the warm fuzzies I can get from teaching, this is about my frustrations, and I hope you, dear reader, can appreciate my honesty and candor.  Because it is hard to know how someone can be so frustrated, tired, woeful, and frightened of their job and still love it and want to be there for her students day in and day out.  

Frightened?, you may ask.  Yes, frightened...of where education is going...of students who seem unreachable... of my inability to pass on vital information to the sponges in front of me...of my slowly ebbing patience with students, co-workers, and administrators.

I want to be revitalized!  I want someone to tell me that I am capable!  I don't want someone constantly questioning my decisions and methods JUST FOR THE SAKE of questioning, because that's what they THINK they should do as a higher level school employee.  I want someone to celebrate small steps with me for a moment!  Not jump to the well, what's next???  I want my students to get involved with our partnership!  Cause I can't teach without them, and they can't learn without me.  

I want to be Mr. Miyagi...Johnny Castle...Mr. Bauer...and, Mrs. Eyman.  But I fear I never will be.

11 days left...to inspire.  11 days left...to encourage.  11 days left...to listen.  11 days left...to make a difference in a child's life.

But, I'm afraid I'm not up for my challenge.