Oscars Rundown

Look at this guy! After five nominations he finally got it. He should really have two, but stupid Kevbo Costner made a movie about wolves and Native Americans that beat "Goodfellas." (Yeah. Remember that? Even as an 11 year old I was outraged. Not that I hold grudges.)


Anyhoo...The Oscars went long (go figure), so I had plenty of time to take copious notes. Between awesome bites of Chex-only mix (thanks, Emily!) and me cursing my brother and throwing my ballot around (sorry, Martin) I had these thoughts:

1. Ellen sported a Partridge Family-esque maroon velvet number. I have NO idea what was up with that. All she needed was a ruffled cravat.
   
2. Alan Arkin told Eddie Murphy to kiss his *bleep*. Well, Arkin's too classy a 73 year old to say it, but it was all in his eyes.
3. Jennifer Hudson has breasts. She proved it during the "Dreamgirls" medley.
4. Jack Nicholson looks like Daddy Warbucks when he's bald.
5. What happened to Katie Holmes' face (right)???
6. I love Will Ferrell. What's better than him pandering around the stage on his lonesome? A duet with Jack Black. What's even better than that? John C. O'Reilly (sic) making it a trio. Go watch it before the Man rips it off the YouTube. I mean, they rhymed Nader and Spader. Sweet.
   
7. "Pan's Labyrinth" was robbed. Nuff said.
8. If I had to hear thanks to Al Gore one more time...
9. Andrew managed to get 13 out of 24 categories correct. Whatever, sea pig.
10. Helen Mirren gave the most rehearsed acceptance speech ever. Yeah, I knew you'd win, too, but you didn't have to show it. ("Ladies and gentlemen, I now present you with the Queen." Really? That's lame.)
11. And Martin summed it all up when I asked him his thoughts on the really big show: "It was dull." Yeah, pretty much. If I didn't have peeps around I probably would have flicked, too.