Whatever Happened To...?

Diane,

It's 9:42 p.m., clear skies outside, and a crisp, cool respite from the heat that's been smothering us. I've been in my room thinking: Whatever did happen to us? We were sailing along with our quirky characters, not to mention our plots and subplots which spiralled into each other. We inserted quaint locales in our investigations, and we made people crave donuts, hot coffee, and darn good pieces of pie. Our cult status is still alive in the publication of our monthly tome, "Wrapped in Plastic," and yearly fan club conventions (which I will never stoop to attend). But, we've hit a huge snag: DVD.

I don't know why, Diane, but we just can't get it together. First of all, we had trouble attaining the rights to our stellar 2 hour pilot episode. We decided to pass on all the trouble and release the first season without this jaw-droppingly-makes-you-want-to- watch-more episode, much to the chagrin, disappointment, and literal cries of protest of our loyal fans. The fans, though, so upset with this loss, didn't give up. They bought the first season on DVD anyway, kept buzz alive on their fan forums, and patiently awaited the second season on DVD.

Diane, it's been almost five full years since the release of our first season, and I don't know how much longer our fans will hold out. They constantly visit tvshowsondvd.com for news of the release, and each year they read that it will come out next year...maybe. Now, they're hoping, waiting, praying that it will happen this November, but Diane I'm a realist. You know I wish to be an optimist, I've even visited Tibet to become more enlightened and hopeful, but I've seen too many things in my line of work to hope this will come true. Will these fans of ours ever get what they want? Will they ever get what they so much deserve? After their years of loyalty, will their time ever come to see Billy Zane again as the pilot that sweeps Audrey off her feet, Heather Graham as my barely legal love interest, and my maniacal performance in that last chilling scene of TV's most beloved, irreverant cult classic? I'm just not sure.

Oh, before I go. This has also been bothering me: Just what was Captain Kirk feeling for Miri? I constantly hope it was just a father-daughter bond he felt for her, but I'm never quite sure as I watch that episode.