My Buddy & Me

All of this hoopla about Kindergarten, and our "Jan" almost got left out of the mix.

I thought I was done with all of the emotions of Kindergarten until tonight.  We knew lil man was heading off to pre-school tomorrow, but I guess...well...okay, it got overshadowed.  I feel horrible.  I feel like I should have spent more time worrying and dry heaving and crying.  Don't be worried: it's all started in the last few hours.

I love our boy.  So.  Much.  He's crazy.  He's destructive.  He refuses to bend to the will of conformity to become potty-trained and decides to hide under the dining room table to do his business by himself.  (Then, he sneaks out with a WIDE grin on his face and a glint in his eye and declares, "Kean poop.")  He gives the most outstanding hugs in the world, and he longs to be cradled in my lap still.  He runs around shirtless declaring that he's John Henry, "born with a 'ammer, born with a 'ammer in my hand!"  He gives THE BEST wink in the HISTORY OF THE WORLD.  And, if he turns it on you, it WILL be your Kryptonite, and you WILL give him anything he asks for.  He's been working hard in speech since January to get his S's on the beginning of his words, and he's also working on his T's and D's.  Sometimes, though, it's just too hard, and he says, "That's my last 'TUH.'  No more.  All gone now."  His smile has 1.21 gigawatts of awesome behind it, and I'm pretty sure Doc Brown could have used its rays in lieu of a lightening bolt.  He is so sweet  that sometimes my eyes well up from the sheer amazingness of his spirit.

He is ALL boy, and he is ALL ours.  Until tomorrow.

He'll go out into the world of pre-school.  I'm worried (of course I am; worrying IS what I excel at).  Worried that he'll miss Nana and me too much, and his sisters, and start to cry in class.  Or, even worse for my mind's eye, that he'll get his trembly lil chin going and then just crumple up in tears.  I'm worried some boy or girl will take something from him, and he won't understand.  He'll just stare at them with his HUGE blue eyes and wonder what just happened.

I'm worried the same way I was with Big Sister, but with Lil Man, it's just different.  I'll never forget my Aunt Elizabeth telling me how special a bond is between a momma and her son...but since she told me when I was 11, I thought she was just a little high from new baby hormones.  It couldn't be much different than having a girl, could it?  I mean, a boy's still your kid, just like a girl is, so it's all the same, right?  Nope.  I was stupid.  I was wrong.  She was way right...ridiculously right.

I love him so.  He is brave, but delicate.  He is silly, but kind.  He will run rampant, but is reserved when needed.  He is just the best brother and son in the world.  And no kid better mess with him or Mama Bear's comin' down on Chesterbrook.