Bittersweet Day

OK.  So, here's the thing that SUCKS about your little girl going into Kindergarten.

It's not that she's getting older or that she won't be around that much or that you fear and dread and pre-loathe any bully or jerkface kid that might try to cross her path and make her less confident or make her think she isn't beautiful or any other stupid jerkfacey thing.

It's this:

It's the realization that your memory is failing you, and when you look down at this beautiful, intelligent, inquisitive, kind, caring 5-year-old being that you are lucky enough to know...that when you look down at her you can't remember every moment you spent together like you want to.

Already memories are hazy.  So many things go on in our lives, so much, and I can't remember the first time my girl sat up or when she rolled over or when she started saying Mama.  Oh, sure. I always had good intentions of keeping baby books and charting every little thing, but I guess life got in the way.  I hope she knows when she grow up that even though I didn't have a book  for her, I spent time with her, snuggled with her, loved on her, and took her for way too many treats (ice cream, cookies, extra bowls of shredded cheese at El Toro). 

On Friday, August 22, 2014, I want to live in the moment of fear and sadness and hesitation and hope and excitement and JOY of her first day of Kindergarten.  I want to live in the moment of watching her bravely march off to her room, turn and give me her little wave, and then take her seat.  I want to live in that moment and remember it forever, but I'm so afraid of the time it will slip away from me forever, like she eventually will.  That's what sucks the most.