How to Make the Definitive Leftover Turkey San'wich

Here it is: the only san'wich "recipe" you'll ever need for leftover turkey. Follow the directions closely, and don't skimp on the ingredients, either.

1. Take two pieces of white bread. Yes, WHITE bread. I suggest trying the Arnold's brand, with no high fructose corn syrup, so you can kid yourself that this bread isn't as bad as Sunbeam and almost as good as some hoity-toity whole grain stuff you tell yourself you should eat even though you don't want to.

2. Slather each piece of white bread with the mayo made with extra virgin olive oil. Why the kind with EVOO? See the reason I stated above for using white bread but substitute Hellman's for Sunbeam.

3. Have some nice, fresh tomatoes sliced and place them on one piece of the bread. DO NOT FORGET to season these with salt and pepper. It totally does boost the taste.

4. Get a few slices of clean, crisp romaine on the other slice of white bread. There's nothing better than biting into that romaine and having that fresh *CRUNCH* pop in your mouth!

5. Place the leftover turkey on the side with the tomatoes, so the bird meat can get some of that S&P on it, and the toms are more stable than the wavy lettuce.

6. Cut in half, get some Lay's on the side, and ENJOY! Eating a sammie at 9:30 p.m., six hours after stuffing yourself silly, never tasted so good. And the best part might be using your tongue to scrape that smooshed white bread off the top of your mouth.