Kneel Before Zod!

Or in this case, Becks.

It's official! David Beckham has signed to a 5-year, $250 million contract with the L.A. Galaxy. Oh, baby! Catherine better get me some tickets right now!

If you don't know dear, ole Becks, let me give you a rundown:

1. He speaks with the voice of a girl.
2. He's the world's most popular football (soccer) player.
3. He's married to Posh Spice and has kids with notorious celebrity names (Brooklyn, Romeo, & Cruz--man are those kids gonna get their arses whooped in school).
4. He wants to play in the U.S. before he becomes a 34-year-old hasbeen who's only in it for the money. Um, he's 31 now, and he's already been rendered useless by Real Madrid, the Spanish powerhouse he signed a lucrative deal with three seasons ago.
5. He wants to bring soccer to a new level in the U.S. (Which I applaud him for since the NBA is becoming a breeding ground for hip hop/pimp/ghetto wannabes).
6. He can be a pretty face, but I really doubt there's much going on upstairs.
7. Part of his contractural earnings will be made of the profits from the Galaxy's games...maybe you should scrap the previous comment I made about him not being so bright, because this means his earnings could exceed the $250 million promised.

Thus concludes my first sports post ever. Applause, applause, A-PLAUSE! (QUICK! Which John Hughes classic is that from?)