Why I'll Always Own a VCR

Two simple words: "Monster Squad." Until that comes out on DVD, I'll always own a VCR. Years ago, my homie, Cori, got it for my used on eBay. Since then I have cherished this used copy, and I only watch it once a year. I try to preserve the fragile tape as best I can: always keep it in its box, always put it on the shelf when done, never throw it around.

It's one of the best, most influential movies of my youth. Yeah, I said influential. How else would I know how to kill mosters from the past? I remember watching it at Aunt Cathy's house when I was little with all my Eads cousins gathered round. To this day, if I find someone who has seen this gem of a film, an instant bond is formed. Kendra and I wholeheartedly agree on this point. Since no video stores carry VHS anymore, except the mom and pops in small towns (maybe you can still find it in Warsaw), then you'll probably never see it.

I feel so sorry for you.

And now...the Top 10 +2 Reasons to Watch "Monster Squad:"

1. Find out what makes Fat Kid fat.
2. See Jason Hervey as an abusive bully before he played abusive bully Wayne Arnold on "Wonder Years."
3. Wolf Man does, in fact, have nards.
4. Learn how to draw a Spider with a Human Head.
5. Figure out the only way how to kill a Werewolf (if you think there are two ways, you are WRONG).
6. Learn the difference between "prescription" and "discrimination."
7. Fergie's not the only one with a career outside of "Kids, Inc." Check out Ryan "Rudy" Lambert.
8. See some of Hollywood's most stunning montages ever put onto celluloid (one each teaches you how to make silver bullets out of your mother's silverware).
9. Learn basic German from the "Harry Truman guy."
10. You'll finally find out what a "vershen" is and how she can save you from Limbo.
11. Frankenstein really is a nice guy.
12. You'll finally discover that "ALUCARD" is the anagram for Dracula.