9/11/01

A beautiful day...a GORGEOUS day. Blue skies. White, fluffy clouds dotting the endless sky. Wet hair, robe wrapped around my still-damp body. Remote in hand, CBS on, planes crashing through towers??? Real time? It can't be. A new movie? Probably. The LIVE in the upper right hand corner tells me the probabilty is false, and a new reality sets in.

Tears streaming down confused, forlorn faces meet me everywhere I go. The Quad never seemed such a long walk before. A professor tells us to plod along, get on with "it," and tuck our emotions away. As future teachers, that's what we'll have to do someday soon anyway. A startled T.A. doesn't want to get on with "it," and smuggles a small TV into our discussion. She doesn't want us to push away our raw feelings but encourages us to share our grief.

Poor brother. Dad leaves the house on fix-it duty, while broham has to stay with his overemotional mother and sister, who can't stop the torrent of tears from sliding down their faces. This trait passed on to me by my mother is a quality I don't want to hide, but for brother's sake, I try that night.

10 years later the feelings are still raw. My heart still aches, my head still swells, I still can't take the site of the plane crashing-taking-changing lives. I don't want to see the smoke billowing up, the running people covered in ash, or remember my brother's somber face as he tried to get through that first night with us beside ourselves.

I told Alba a story today about some men who wanted to change the world by trying to hurt others. I also told her, through a spoken-aloud prayer, that I want to see these men one day, someday, when I get to go "home." I want to tell them, without one hint of irony but with boundless warmth and truth emanating from my heart, "I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU!!! And, I'm so glad you're home with us to revel in goodness and light." That's the happy ending I want...